Find Rest My Soul, In Christ Alone.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013, 10:28 PM

Wrong move?

A wrong move can change the smallest things, it can also change the biggest things.

Although it's just minor, I feel so disappointed with myself.

One moment I thank you for being understanding, the other moment I got frustrated cos you don't seem to be understanding.

It's me being not understanding now.

I'm just never understanding.

I just feel like you throw me away easily just because I told you I have a meeting on and I took it as you were being understanding, only evil people like me won't have trust and understanding towards people.

On the other note.,

I don't know if I should surrender to my life or what.
Being stuck in a course that I don't like, thought of moving to the other business-related course in poly and my kin doesn't support me.

It's like, this fucking course, you know how fucked up it is?
If I don't study and leave my studies alone, I will say nothing but I studied equally hard or even harder than others, I just can't, I just can't!!!

I studied and then what I got is just 60/100?
Don't ask me to be thankful that I passed.

I'm sick of getting low grades because I always had high grades in sec school.

because of my WRONG MOVE, I am in this course now, people at my age are already a uni grad, me? higher nitec.
I'm just a piece of useless party plate, what can I contribute at my age?

Fuck up?

How about other platforms where I can study better and have more understanding towards it? I'm liking this current course that I'm studying by bits, that smallest bits.
How could I excel so much in my secondary school?
I should have just progressed to 5NA, yes no point looking back, just an analysis.

And what my kin said is I can earn more money being a "server specialist"
Seriously, does that even matter?

Where's my rights to achieve what I want to do?

I can't even enter arts school despite a good portfolio, enough! I studied hard and not whine for not being in my desired course, now I can't even go to the course I want in poly?

that's why,
I have to surrender to life.

Because, I'm just dumb.

Thursday, August 15, 2013, 9:33 PM

Discouraged

I studied.

I tried.

I asked.

But,

I just cannot understand.

plainly

slow

dumb.

I don't like to study here, but I didn't have a choice.

I hate this course. but I had to study this.

(I aced in my N levels)

But since it's my last two years in this entry level course,

I stayed.

I motivate myself ALOT.

Wild thoughts like "You should be studying business, office or taking up dance at the arts school." keep running in my mind.

I can say I am firm enough to say no to my second thoughts.

Again, these thoughts ran through my mind during phase test today.

First thing first, I cannot do the basic question.

Even if I could, I wouldn't be able to finish up the rest because I know nothing.

Like I said,

I asked but I just cannot understand.

I am one of the dumbest in class, how ironic, I was the top in secondary school.

Things will change yeah I know.

Today is really a mental training day for me.

Left the examination room, went out and vent, hit the railings and cubicles, cried inside the cubicle of the toilet.

Down with sinus and migraine.

I just couldn't think well.

Cabbing home was all I wanted.

That's all...

still down with headache.

And there's another phase test tomorrow.

The fact is we just learned all these during the week before and this week.

it's challenging to jump onto phase test for people like me.

bye.

Thursday, August 1, 2013, 10:37 PM

July - The challenging month.

What first came into your mind when you see this picture?

People who look at life positively will say "Alot of different shapes scattered around, wow interesting!"

People who are always negative will think "All broken pieces just like how my life is now."

I guess we need to choose the way we live our life.

It's not about blaming the fact about your life and blaming the people that cause your life to be bad and tough.

In fact, you are the one who shape yourself and live your life.

Most importantly, we are all equal.

A magician can do mistakes at his show.

A pastor can be condemned.

I came across this allkpop news about Lee Jong Suk smoking and fans/viewers started to feel sad and traumatized because he smokes.

One thing is he is another human who is not perfect.

He is not the God you worship, why feel sad as if the world is tumbling down?

Just like me, I always have my downfall.

Just like anyone, who needs to be given a benefit of doubt.

But I've been given a red card.

And it'so ok, I'm gonna pick myself up.

This is a pool of my thoughts.

These people, watch out, you all are awesome.

1) Cheryl

2) Jabez

3) Roseline

4) Peijun

5) Classmates (QN1304A)

Goodnight.