It's been 5 years since I have this blog.

Indeed, life has been harder as years go by.

What worried me was merely not able to drink my favorite bubble tea at the neighborhood stall near my school. What worries me now is not having a chance to study in terms of having financial problems.

How to say it.

Since when I was 15 years old I have been on my own.

Got to settle 3 meals outside on my own.

Sometimes it's not even 3 meals due to the hectic schedule I have in the day and night.

What concerns me is when my peers around me have enough to use because of their home-cooked foods. I can say not all of my peers are as fortunate too but most of them have a complete family.

My house is just empty and quiet.

Me and my friends discussed about utilities bill and I realized my monthly bill does not exceed $100. The truth is nobody is at home to use up the electricity. 

My life is just my life, when I share my life, my mom won't absorb it so she asks several times. 

She didn't even know I studied in what course until I got my certificate. 

Just when I know I am the one showing concern more than she shows, I feel devastated. 

Every night the same thing happens, it's to see her drunk and her smiling face.

Even though she's drunk, she's smiling.

Alot of people asked why is she drinking every night, is she going through a hard time.

That's where I failed as a daughter cause' I don't know the reason.

Besides knowing the reason that my parents are separated for 8 years.

I know Jeffery who destroyed my family, he's a motherfucker. Such a gigolo.

But, I don't know why my mom is sad.

This is the reason why all the more I should show concern to her more.

I got fired by my boss because of getting engaged in an event and I have to take an urgent leave.

But I was given a red card and not a yellow card. This is the working industry, not to say I worked in a hawker centre. 

A pilate studio is waiting for my answer if I can work.

The pay is good and the hours are reasonable. 

I am soon gonna work.

Having the thought that I'm starting school in a month frightens me.

What if I got to settle heavy bills and not having enough money.

What if the pilate studio does not want to employ me because of my school and outside dance commitment.

I cannot reside to anywhere besides dance, there's a house but there's no home.

But why is life so unfair to me?

Just when I know I love dancing, I got a bad injury.

The injury needs time to heal.

It's tendon dislocation and fallen arches in my ankles especially my right ankle.

I don't know if I was even born with flat feet, I asked my mom and she isn't sure.

Just when I was about to get into Nafa I got all these unnecessary happenings.

I often share my pain with my mom and tell her the pain I have.

I believe I'm not whining neither grumbling until one night she told me I'm pouring troubles to her and making her suffer when I'm suffering.

From that day on, I told myself not to share anymore pain I have.

It's pain but keep it to yourself, the people around you will feel pain if you share.

I am giving my ankle a rest as soon as I can.

But don't ask me when.

I know where I stand and where's the limit, but let me share.

The crack everytime I shift my ankle hurts. I wonder what is happening.

Even being referred to hospital and orthopedic by my family doctor, I got to delay.

I know when I give myself a rest, I will be going back to do social services again.

I just need to write these outs rather than tweeting.

If I tweet I will only cause people to worry.

So I blog.

Just a sudden thought of pouring out my emotions to this blog.

Since the pasts, my blog is always colorful.

Last time I used to do a lot of social services, I was happy.

Going back may be a good thing.

I strongly feel this year will be different.

Time to elect new EXCOs and President.

Go ahead and elect the ideal one.

Don't reelect me again even I know it's the tree I planted, I have to water it still.

But a change of farmer will be better.

These days I'm doing a really bad job.

I will tidy up the messes before passing down.

I need a day to sit in a cafe and chill, with my close friend, and talk about life.

In Singapore, everything is about earning money.

Where is the peace that we deserve.

Anyone is entitled with enjoyment don't forget. 

Signing off...